This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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