You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
