I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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