we have officially lost it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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