I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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