it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
