I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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