I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
