If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
