He passed out mid-signature
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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