i permit you to call me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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