I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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