Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
