It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
