I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
