I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
