Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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