Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
