So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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