Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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