Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
