It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
