sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
