the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
