I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
