Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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