you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your cock deserves a montage
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
