i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
