I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
