This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
did i walk over a car last night?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
