All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
