Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
