Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
where does the pee come out of this thing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
