If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
