Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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