Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
