please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
