he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
