You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
