First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
