I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
