Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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