if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
