His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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