Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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