I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
