Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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