Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
