I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
