your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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