I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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