we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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