I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
