Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
