Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
